Operation Safe Haven
by Supersam1906
Summary: The Log entries of the awsome Captain K! The world is ending and IHC is man kinds only hope! Let Captain K take you through the life after December 21 2012! THIS IS A SPOOF OF IHC! if you believe in this crap dont read it!
1. Chapter 1

**So my friend Daniel and I came across the comercial for IHC's lottery...apparently the world is going to end on Dec, 21, 2012 and IHC has a giant plan for man kind...buuuttt their safe haven is almost full and your only chance of survival now is to win the lottery...yupp. Anywho we randomly, spur of the momently, decided to write this. So we might not continue...but review and tell us what you guys think about captain K! anywho hope you laugh as much as we did!!**

**Supersam and Daniel**

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Operation Safe Haven

Captain's log,

December, 21st, 2012

The Institute for Human Continuity has just declared the lottery winners. As I pack my bag, toothbrush, sweater, pants, I thank god I drive the ship, otherwise I would be with the billons of unlucky bastards that make up the rest of the worlds population.

I look at the picture on my desk; my ex-wife has rights to my children, they will not be attending. I realize that I am lonely as I see the stack of porn mags beside my bed, then I shove my rabbit, Mr. Squishy, into the left over space of my suitcase…hope he has air.

An alarm goes off and I grab my bag, Mr. Squishy wines in protest. Running down the hall I head towards the entrance to the door, I notice that everyone has gathered. Millions of people that have purchased the "survival kits" will soon find out that there water purification tablets are actually laxatives and their radios need batteries. Oh yeah, and the batteries provided are used.

People begin to board the gigantic boat that I will drive them in, so they can arrive at their destination, Antarctica. There we will be placed in the Subterranean Cities that will protect us from the cataclysmic event we are running from. I don't get the point in having an under ground city when IHC says the earths crust is going to split open, aren't the ice caps melting anyways?

As we drive the boat to our destination I stay optimistic, maybe IHC will be wrong, just like the last thousand times man kind has been told to hug their loved ones because of the world ending. Wouldn't it be funny if all these people spent their life savings just to wait in a metal city for nothing to happen?

Within hours we arrive at our destination. I inform the millions of lucky people to take their belongings and make their way to their designated homes. Well I have to go take a crap, if this shit does go down then I will be thankful I did…forgot extra underwear.

Until then, Captain K out!


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay this is the second...dont forget to review...Captain K demands it!!!**

**Supersam and Daniel out!!**

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Operation Safe Haven 2

Captain's Log

December, 21, 2012

I finished my giant shit and walked to my luxurious, under ground, shit hole that they call a condo. I throw my luggage into the corner of the room. I watch as it bounces off the wall and hits the floor with a loud bang. I thank myself for not packing anything breakable…OH GOD MR. SQUISHY! I rush and open the bag to find an unconscious Mr. Squishy. I begin rabbit CPR; thank god I took that class!

Mr. Squishy grunts, scratches himself, and runs from me to the bathroom. I look around for any visible electrical wires that he can snack on. The lights flicker and faint burnt smell lingers in the air.

Brushing it off I make my way to the old school, crap box, Nintendo 64 they have provided me to entertain myself with. Would have preferred my porn mags. I begin playing Super Smash Bros, just as one of the attendants walks in. I tell him to have a seat and watch…I can't stand losing, thus he will not play. I make it to the round with the platforms, I am playing as Samus.

I pause the game to scope out the maze of platforms. Suddenly the attendant rushes to the television and points to the walls that I have to make my way past.

"Look this part makes the number six," he informs me.

"So?" I say with this expression on my face → -_-

"So, six is half of twelve, 2012, and twelve reversed is 21! December 21 2012! THE END IS NEAR!!!" and with that he ran out of my crap condo, screaming and yelling.

"Tell me something I don't know," I say to myself and I return to my game…fucking platforms!

Well I will inform you more after I beat Master Hand…

Captain K out!


	3. Chapter 3

**Captain K commands you to REVIEW!!! Captain K has spoken!...enjoy**

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Operation Safe Haven 3

Captain's Log

December 22, 2012

Today I decided to go for a stroll down Main Tunnel…street. I pass by Effel, the senile old lady from across the hall, who hands me Mr. Squishy, "He's my best friend," she says, and then cackles with one eye open and three teeth missing.

The last time I saw her she had a mouth full of pearly whites. Mmmm, Effel I think as I walk away, Mr. Squishy in hand.

Mr. Squishy suddenly bursts into flames and I drop him on the ground. The flames subside as soon as they started and he runs away. Things tend to do that since the world has ended.

Walking into the main part of our under ground tube, I make a sharp left to go to the conveniently, closely, placed Wal-Mart. Who came up with the name…they don't sell walls.

I walk in and Effel is one of the greeter people. I don't know how she got there so fast, or who would hire her, but she is standing in the entrance greeting people, while holding Mr. Squishy as he grunts and tries attacking the shoppers. I watch as a girl tries to pet him, this ends in her crying and screaming, while holding her now bloody finger.

I walk to the electronics section heading for the batteries; those bastards gave me used ones as well. After I wait for an old lady to count out exact change, I make my purchase and walk to the main part again.

Above me a jumbo-tron shows a video of the outside world. The usual expected landscape is shown; dry, lifeless, dust, ash, and molten lava. I watch in horror as Mr. Squishy runs across the screen. I think to myself, _how did he get out?_ But I trust that Effel can take care of him fine, after all he is her best friend.

Till later, Captain K…out!


End file.
